The judge said, "Enough of the bananas, just send him to the chair." 19! The signboard reads "Convert to Christianity today and earn $100! I got these new shoes from a drug dealer... Did you know you can't run through a campground? Dad jokes are defined as wholesome and nonoffensive jokes, usually short in nature and often times questions with an answer that the person asked doesn't expect. Idk what they're laced with but I've been tripping all day. They would meet up in next week to see who won. Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter! He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him. level 1. Rule 9 - Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving minors. The trooper, having never seen a man arrest himself before, walks over to the man and asks, "What are you doin, son? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I even sent him to seminary college for Jews. Because people are dying to get in. Reason for sale: No longer required. He walks back into the bar, whips out his pistol and fires into the ceiling. ", As the clown begins juggling the flares on the side of the road, a good-old boy, drunk off his ass, pulls in behind the trooper to witness the spectacle. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. When the executioner flipped the switch, sparks flew, smoke rose, but the man was fine. ", Two Jews are walking past a church. God said: "You know it's funny you should come to me about this! New jokes are added daily. This time however, he had two bananas for his last meal. ", "Someone broke in last night and stole all my antidepressants. Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life. Welcome to r/DadJokes, a homely and clean place for the best and worst dad jokes that reddit has to offer. When I pass away I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my father. Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he keep drawing pictures of my parents fighting? ", I always reply with: "No, but I'll wrestle you for it. ", "Are you feeling cold? "Watch me," says the second guy and he goes into the church. And the next morning, what do you know? About half an hour later he comes back out. ", The wife said, "Thank you, that means more than you could imagine. He walks out to find his horse is missing! Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter! ", "If a child doesn't want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest? We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analytics. He says, "Which one of you idiots stole my horse?!" Reporting on what you care about. ", At the park with my girls: "Dad, can we go play? Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Messiah. Join. He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. “And what happened to my present?” “Which present?” she asks. Doctor: "How come?" That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. I sent him on a trip to Israel. They take a look down the well, and can't see the bottom. 20! Press J to jump to the feed. Reddit Is Sharing Their Best Jokes, Here Are 17 Really Funny Ones. Here are some of the funniest jokes we could find bound to make you smile! ", The Minister said "I have a similar story, I found a bear eating a honeycomb, so I grabbed the honeycomb and ran to the nearest pond. ", The second guy says, "Oh, it's always about the money with you people!". There once was a man in Guam who loved driving trains. They both push the heavy engine block into the well. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. I tied it to an engine block.". Visit our Privacy Policy for more info. ", When I'm at a restaurant and the waitress says: "Do you wanna box for that? Log In Sign Up. The Best Dad Jokes Are So Cheesy They're Funny. r/ Jokes. Lady: "According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches. Drop 'em in the comments below and we may feature them in an upcoming BuzzFeed post or video. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps. Amazing guy. I’ve only got my shelf to blame. I did all that I could to raise him in the faith. Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! Yesterday, he came to me and said that he wanted to convert and become a Christian! Source Reddit. card classic compact. 19! And because there's truly no bad time for a so-bad-it's-good one-liner—be it in your Father's Day captions on social media or Sunday night family dinner—we rounded up the best dad jokes that verge on groan/greatness territory. These totally PG jokes are good for a laugh anytime. "But...that's impossible. He says: "Rabbi, I need help. The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. Proselytizing schmucks! Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, I rule with an iron fist and open mockery of the plebs. That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his payot trimmed. A bunch of books fell on my head this morning. Hot New Top Rising. Two boys are taking a stroll through the woods, when they come across this well. After watching for a few minutes, the drunk man then climbs into the back seat of the squad car. He has a drink and walks back outside. As he sat back down the wife said, "Thanks, that means a lot. A cowboy walks into a bar. That’s okay...it’s only got 3 stars. You might even crack yourself up, too. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses. The best dad jokes also often contain puns or wordplays. Or at least the greatest, funniest jokes* chosen by 22 of the funniest comics working stand-up today. I know he will never touch them. It helps to picture that somewhere in this world, there’s a fool pulling on a door that says “PUSH”! A loud crash is heard.

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